The Interrogation of Juvi - Part 1
Posted by: The JLAP on 05/01/2003 at 22:26
(The camera comes on and shows Juventud Guerrera sitting at a table in a room that looks very much like an interrogation room at a local police precinct. The door opens, and in walks Iron-Stevie.)
Juvi: I'm not saying anything without my lawyer!
Iron-Stevie: Ha-ha-ha. Good one Citizen Guerrera, however, we are not the police, and you have no miranda rights here. We are The Just-Us League of Avenging People, and we want to know why you decided to dress up and defile the image of one of our own.
Juvi: D'uh! I did it for the money!
Iron-Stevie: You could have stolen the money from that bank dressed up as anyone...
Juvi: Man, you're dense...not the money I "allegedly" stole from the bank, the money I got paid to dress up as Chavoman!
Iron-Stevie: So you were paid to do it?
Juvi: Yup.
Iron-Stevie: By who?
Juvi: You ever see that movie with Brittany Murphy and Michael Douglas, where she plays that loco bambino?
Iron-Stevie: "Don't Say A Word"?
Juvi: Yeah.
Iron-Stevie: What's that got to do with anything?
Juvi: Ask me again about the money.
Iron-Stevie: Who paid you to dress up as Chavoman?!?
Juvi (in a sing song voice): Iiiiii'lll neeeeeeveeeeeeeeer teeeeeeee-eeeeeeellll!
(Iron-Stevie gets up and throws his chair across the room in a fit of rage.)
Iron-Stevie: You will tell me who paid you!
Juvi: Uh-uh.
Iron-Stevie: Yuh-huh!
Juvi: Uh-uh!
Iron-Stevie: YUH-HUH!
Juvi: UH-UH!
Iron-Stevie: YUH-HUH!!!!
Juvi: UH-UH! UH-UH! UH-UH! UH-UH!
Iron-Stevie: YUH-HUH! YUH-HUH! YUH-HUH! YUH-HUH!
Juvi: Nope!
Iron-Stevie: Why not?
Juvi: Because I'm not scared of you. There's nothing you can do to make me tell.
Iron-Stevie: Hmmmm....
(Iron-Stevie paces back and forth in the room stroking his chin.)
Iron-Stevie: So, you're not afraid of me?
Juvi: Nope.
Iron-Stevie: So what you're saying is that there's nothing I can do to make you tell me who paid you to dress up as Chavoman?
Juvi: Not a thing.
Iron-Stevie: Well then, I guess I'm done here. Are you hungry Citizen Juvi?
Juvi: A little...
Iron-Stevie: Here, have a cookie.
(Iron-Stevie tosses Juvi a cookie.)
Juvi: Hey, thanks man. You got any joos? Cookies go great with the joos.
Iron-Stevie: Nope sorry, I don't have any juice. Here's a glass of water though. Maybe my partner, who will be in shortly to ask you a few more questions, will have some juice. He says juice goes well with cookies too. Personally, I prefer milk, but he is the more experienced member of the JLAP when it comes to Cookies...have fun.
(Iron-Stevie gets up and leaves, as Juvi happily chews on his cookie. Juvi reaches for the glass, when suddenly he hears a loud thump. Then another. And another. Juvi looks at the glass and sees the water having a ripple effect.)
