The Bionic Redneck
Posted by: Steve Austin on 01/16/2003 at 22:47
The sound of shattering glass is heard, kicking off Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music, and causing the capacity crowd to rise in anticipation. Austin steps out from the curtains and marches towards the ring. He climbs up on all four turnbuckles and then gets a microphone. His music dies down and he begins to talk.
Austin: "Now I can tell you right now that I'd much rather be back in Victoria, Texas drinking some beer and planning on just how big of a can of whup ass I'm going to open up on The Rock. I was thinking...should it be a twelve ounce can?"
Crowd: "WHAT?!"
Austin: "A sixteen ounce?"
Crowd: "WHAT?!"
Austin: "A twenty ounce?"
Crowd: "WHAT?!"
Austin: "Or should Stone Cold march down to the grocery store and buy himself a gallon jug full of whup ass, bring that sumbitch down to Rampage, open it up...and shove it right down Rocky's throat?"
Crowd: "HELL YEAH!"
Austin: "Well that's just what's gonna happen. Because if I haven't made it perfectly clear before, I don't give a damn about a sorry piece of trash who comes out here and spins little nursery rhymes, and refers to himself in third person. Ol' Stone Cold just don't like that.
"But Rock, to be honest with you..you ain't nothin but another name for Stone Cold to take..and another ass for Stone Cold to kick. I shoulda crippled your ass in the WWF...then I coulda saved myself a lot of trouble.
"I'm not one to admit when I make a mistake..but I will tell you this...if I had just taken you out of the business when you were some pathetic little blue chipper with a shit eating grin...I wouldn't have to sit back and watch your ego grow..I wouldn't have to hear these people say 'ROCKY, ROCKY, ROCKY' and I wouldn't have to see your sorry excuses for movies.
"Rocky, Rampage is just about ready to happen...and I can guarantee you that when you get in that ring with me....
"WHAM!
"STUNNER!
"And that's just the way it's gonna be......cause Stone Cold.....SAID SO!"
