Stone Cold? What?
Posted by: The Rock on 01/11/2003 at 21:31
The scene opens backstage at FTR Saturday Night Carnage, we see Kevin Kelly visibly preparing himself before knocking on a door just now coming into camera view. The very evident Brahma Bull emblem glaring at Kevin, daring him to knock. After a few moments and a visible gulp he lightly raps on the door. Almost instantly the door swings open violently and the Rock is standing face to face with Kevin Kelly. Startled Kelly steps backwards and stammers out his intentions.
Kevin Kelly: Rock….I wanted to see if this was a good time to get your thoughts on the challenges made to you by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The Rock: You say you want the Rock’s thoughts? The Great One’s thoughts? The People’s Champ’s thoughts? Well, the Rock is here to tell you that he thinks you have the largest collection of hermaphrodite pornography on your computer than any other on the planet.
Kevin Kelly: Da…uh….wha….
The Rock: (mocks a Kevin Kelly) Durrrrr…. Hermie, know your role and shut your mouth. The Rock knows what you meant, so do your job and sit there and be the Rock’s microphone stand. You want to know what the Rock thinks of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s challenge? The Rock thinks that Stone Cold Steve Austin is about 215 pounds of Rattlesnake Shit in a 100 pound bag. You think it matters to the Rock if Stone Cold challenges the Great One? Let the Rock tell you that Stone Cold might be the best beer drinkin’, coppenhagen chewin’, head shavin’, shit stinkin’ redneck this side of the Mississippi but he sure as hell isn’t in the same league as the Great One.
Kevin Kelly: Rock, does this mean you will not be facing Stone Cold at Rampage next week?
The Rock: It means that the Rock is going to show up at Rampage. The Rock is going to slip on the People’s trunks. The Rock is going to strap on the People’s Boots. The Rock is going to take this fist (pulls his fist to Kevin Kelly’s face) and slam it in Stone Cold’s bald head a few dozen times. Then the Rock will take this boot (lifts his foot and the camera pans down), shine it up really nice, turn this sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up his candy ass!
Kevin Kelly smiles.
The Rock: Yeah, the Rock knew you would like that…..you sick FUH-REEEK.
Kevin Kelly: One more question for you, Rock. Recently you mentioned a number of superstars of the FTR including the Undertaker, Stone Cold and Brock Lesnar. Well, it seems as though Brock Lesnar has taken exception to it and Ernest Miller has made it clear that you should be staying out of their way.
The Rock: The Rock should stay out of their way, you say? Well the Rock says that he doesn’t care if Brock Lesnar can’t form a word more than one syllable and that the Cat can’t wear an outfit that was made after 1976. The Rock does care that someone thinks they can tell the Great One what and what not to do. You see, the Rock is here to stay. The Rock isn’t some one month wonder. The Rock isn’t the “next big thing” the Rock is the Big Thing….well, the Rock has the Big Thing but that’s another story.
The Rock: Now, the Rock has a question for you, Hermie.
Kevin Kelly: Uh…ok, Rock.
The Rock: Do you like pancakes?
Kevin Kelly: Pancakes?
The Rock: Yes. Pancakes. Do you like pancakes?
Kevin Kelly: Well. Sure, I like pancakes. I especially like to get blueberry pancakes from IHOP.
The Rock: That’s nice. Since you like blueberry pancakes so much why don’t you blueberry pancake your ass out of the Rock’s sight!
The Rock raises a backhand towards Kevin Kelly who scatters along with the camera crew leaving the Rock to prepare for his all important match against Savio Vega tonight at Carnage.
