Another beautiful day...(Kendo Ka Shin)
Posted by: General Jeffrey Jarrett on 01/11/2003 at 17:50
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won't you be mine? Could you be mine? It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won't you be, could you be, won't you be my neighbor? Won't you be, could you be, won't you be my neighbor?
*Yes, it is a beautiful day if you're a delusional ex-World Champ who hosts an FTR Kids Channel show. Today, the General is in his best green zip-up cardigan as he finishes changing shoes. If you need a better picture of what he's doing, you really, really aren't getting this anyways, so stop.*
"Well hello, boys and girls! It's sure swell to be back here to talk with you all again here in my neighborhood! How's your neighborhood? I bet you all have a lot of friends, don't you? I have friends in my neighborhood, too. Like Mr. McGreenly, or my next door neighbor Glen, or Phil, who owns the coffee shop! Yup, we sure are close here in our neighborhood.
"I have a lot of FTR friends too, and I compete with them a lot. Maybe you saw it on Rampage this week. I competed against Chris Candido. He has bionic implants. Can you say 'bionic implants?' I KNEW you could! He also works with Jenna Jameson in 'The Family.' A lot of people talk about her having implants, but I don't think they mean bionic ones. I think they mean the kind that go in-"
*Thankfully for the young minds watching at home (and unthankfully for any perverts watching), the doorbell rings.*
"Gee children, it's the doorbell! I wonder who that could be..."
*The General rises and goes to answer the door. Not surprisingly, it's Mr. McGreenly, who just always seems to arrive five minutes after Jarrett starts...*
"Hey there, Mr. General! You got a letter from Mr. IQ again today! That's the third one since I came on duty for the post office!"
"Why, Mr. McGreenly, I'd almost think you are reading all of my mail."
"Umm...I would, uh, NEVER do that...ohlookIgottogobye!"
*McGreenly quickly runs out, leaving Jeff confused.*
"Well gee, I wonder what he had to do. Maybe an urgent package. Anyways, this letter probably fits right in with today's lesson, it's got to be about who I'm competing with next!"
General Jarrett:
Again, nice work on Rampage. I was surprised that you were able to defeat the Bionic Wrestler. This week, you'll be squaring off against Kendo Ka Shin. I wish you good luck.
Sincerely,
Genius IQ
"Well, that's awful nice of Mr. IQ, giving that guy Kendo a shot after such little time here. Why, it reminds me of something I heard about in Pretendville a few days ago. Maybe we can go see what it was..."
*The bullet train flies by in the background, taking us again to Pretendville, where everyone sounds like a poorly disguised Jeff Jarrett. We see our usual suspects, King March and Killer Bob, outside the castle...*
King March: You're such a nice guy, Killer Bob, that I'm going to give you $1,000,000 out of the National Treasury!
Killer Bob: Is that legal?
King March: Sure, if I list it as a necessary expense...
Killer Bob: COOL! I'm going to buy a lot of cocaine and a fast car!
*Cut to five minutes later. Killer Bob is seated in what looks like a toy convertible Corvette. He has white powder under his nose, and is "driving recklessly" at the speed of a hand pushing a toy car.*
Killer Bob: WHEEEEE! I hope I don't hit a tree!
*Killer Bob hits a tree.*
Killer Bob: OW! Aw man, the car's wrecked and I'm out of cocaine!
*We cut back to Jarrett.*
"The lesson today, you see, is not to give someone who doesn't have much a whole lot of something at once. They'll waste it. Killer Bob was broke, so he wasted the million, much like the inexperienced Kendo will waste this shot.
"Well, that's about all the time we have on the neighborhood today kids. I'll see you next time!"
*Jarrett exits, singing the song...*
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won't you be mine? Could you be mine? It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won't you be, could you be, won't you be my neighbor? Won't you be, could you be, won't you be my neighbor?
