Signing the Deal (It’s more important than you realize!)
Posted by: The Family on 01/08/2003 at 20:31
(The camera comes on inside a five star restaurant, strangely located in downtown Harlem. We see that the name of the restaurant is “Juicy’s 5-Star Rib Shack and 5-Minute Oil Change” a.k.a. “Juicy’s 5&5”. The camera pans to a private table around which we see GeniusIQ, Bloodsport, Bill Ding, CBW, Zieg, Kreed, Joe Rules and Luxurious Lynne. IQ and Joe Rules are apparently working out a deal for UWF to be an FTR Developmental Territory as everyone else is enjoying the food and the conversation.)
Lynne: Bloodsport, you do realize it’s only 199 days until my birthday.
Bloodsport: And I care why?
Lynne: Because it’s my birthday. You have to get me a present. I like stuff that’s sparkly and dangly.
(Bloodsport rolls his eyes and turns to speak with Bill Ding.)
Bloodsport: I’ve seen what you can do, what do YOU feel you can bring to The Family?
Bill Ding: Honestly, I’m not sure yet. This whole thing is sort of a surprise. What I know I can do is approach every match as if it is my first. Every opponent has been here before. They all know what to expect from each other. It’s been a long time since any of these guys have been on the indy circuit. While they’ve all been getting rich and sitting around with championship belts, I’ve been busting my ass trying to become the best I can be. I’ve only been doing this for two years, I have a lot to prove. Honestly I’m gonna have to come of age real quick if I’m going to survive in your environment.
Bloodsport: That’s a great attitude to have, but you still haven’t said why we should let you have this chance.
Bill Ding: Quite honestly, there’s nobody who does what I do. I combine a power attack with a precise technical attack and after all that, I’ll throw you off by taking to the air. I’ve put many people away with my chokeslam, but just as many have gone down to my spinning heel kick. So when you’re in the ring with me, you never know what’s gonna come next, and like I was saying before, a lot of these guys are used to a regimented type of match. That’s not how we do it on the indies, as a lot of people going to have to find out.
Bloodsport: Well, you make an interesting argument, and it sounds to me like you could be a useful addition, but now you gotta convince the boss that he should make the deal with you, and then you can work out the details of the deal.
(At this, IQ turns from Joe Rules, having finished signing the deal with the UWF, and joins Bloodsport and Bill Ding’s conversation.)
IQ: So Bill, you impressed me tonight. Not very many people can do that. Especially when they are in the ring with a Paco Pancake. So I’m interested in signing you, but convince me that I’m not making a huge financial mistake.
Bill Ding: Straight up, I want this more than anyone else you can find. There is no one out there that you could hire that will produce for your “Family” like I plan to. I’m not planning on just collecting a salary and phoning it in every night. If I haven’t made you feel like every penny you’ve spent on me isn’t worth it, then I haven’t done my job and you should fire me. You’ve seen what I can do, I don’t think you treat just anybody and his five friends to a meal like this if they haven’t done their job. You give me a contract, I’m going to triple my work rate.
IQ: Well, Bill, don’t worry about tripling your work rate. I’ve seen your work rate, it’s at a good level, and I don’t want you burning out. You keep putting in as much as you put in tonight, and you’ll do just fine. So, your attitude is the right one to have. Your talent is the right level, but quite honestly your star power, is zero. If there were a hundred Bill Ding fans out there, I would be surprised…pleasantly surprised, because Bill, all we need to do now, is find the magic number.
Bill Ding: And what number would that be?
IQ: Well, how does $50,000 sound?
Bill Ding: A year?
IQ: No, a month, plus expenses.
Bill Ding: That works for me.
(Bill Ding and IQ are about to shake hands and agree on the deal, when Luxurious Lynne elbows Bill Ding in the ribs.)
Lynne: You promised Bill…
Bill Ding: Oh right! Umm, IQ, I’ll need management.
IQ: Well, there’s Juicy, Bloodsport, Sunny, Midajah, Stephanie, Jenna and myself available within The Family.
Bill Ding: Well a new wrestler requires new management, and this little redhead next to me has been around this business for far too long to not have a contract yet.
IQ: OK, so what you’re saying is, for you to sign your contract, I’ve got to sign hers.
Bill Ding: A promise is a promise.
IQ: And I like a man who keeps his word. Lynne, you got yourself a contract too.
(Suddenly there is a commotion at the front door. Two men are seen roughing up the maitre’d and forcing him back towards IQ’s table.)
Bill Ding: Should we help out?
IQ: No, security’s pretty good here, besides no one’s going to get this far into the…
(All of a sudden the maitre’d goes crashing through the table. IQ looks at the maitre’d, looks up, and smiles.)
“Someone’s ass had best be ready to…TESTIFY!”
(The camera pans up from the carnage that used to be the table, and reveals Buh Buh Ray, D-Von, Sign Guy and Joel Gertner.)
Buh Buh: Did you think we wouldn’t know IQ? Did you think we wouldn’t see? Did you think we wouldn’t have heard about it? The biggest and most powerful wrestling organization in the world gets back together and it’s tag team champions aren’t invited back? I know it’s unfair having us in the tag team division, because there isn’t a tag team alive, past, present or soon to be born, that can hold a candle to us. But stripping us of the gold that we deserve, that’s just weak. Quite honestly, everyone at this table, even you nobodies, you, fat boy (pointing at Bill Ding), are gonna have serious problems.
(Bill Ding jumps up and gets in Buh Buh Ray’s face. IQ quickly jumps in between them and breaks it up before anything can happen.)
IQ: Whoa there big fella. Bill - sit down. Buh Buh, I don’t know what you are talking about. I tried, Miss Goldendollar tried, hell, I even had Scotty try to call you guys. You just never answered your phone. When we didn’t hear anything from you, we had to assume that you didn’t want to come back.
(Buh Buh checks his cell phone and throws it to IQ.)
Buh Buh: It’s working fine, and there are no missed calls.
IQ: When did you get a cell phone? We’ve been calling Joel’s.
(Buh Buh, D-von and Sign Guy all turn to Joel.)
Joel: Here, I have the quintessential cell phone right here! It never rang!
(Buh Buh looks at the cell phone, and then hands it to IQ.)
Buh Buh: You gotta turn it on dipshit!
(IQ turns on the cell phone, and we quickly see the message that appears on the phone.)
”You have 739 New Voice Messages.”
(IQ looks at Buh Buh, Buh Buh looks at D-Von, D-Von turns to Bloodsport.)
D-Von: Bloodsport will you take this guy outside and slap him!
Bloodsport: Let the new kid handle it.
(Bill Ding gets up, grabs Joel and heads outside.)
Zieg: I wanna watch this.
Kreed: Beat his ass big man!
Joe Rules: I’m sorry IQ, I have to go. It’s Paco Loco all over again.
(Bill Ding and all the UWF guys go outside with Joel. The staff from the restaurant has taken this time to set up a new table. IQ, Bloodsport and The Dudleys sit down at the new table.)
Buh Buh: So what’s this I hear about the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Tag Team Tournament?
