The 2003 Rope-A-Dope
Posted by: You'll see... on 01/07/2003 at 21:09
*What a Rampage. At least that's what the fans at an FTR house show are thinking. Not just any show, mind you, but one being broadcast live on the FTR Network. Many a wrestler has used this show as a chance for free TV time. And another one is about to do so...*
I'm patient of this plan, As humble as I can. I'll wait another day, Before I turn away. But know this much is true, No matter what I do, Offend in every way, I don't know what to say.
*A few fans recognize the tune as "Offend in Every Way" by the White Stripes. However, everyone recognizes the man walking out. He is garbed in his usual long black tights with gold and red accents, and he brushes back his black hair as he smiles.
Oh, and he adjusts the World Title to better lay across his shoulder*
I'm coming through the door, But they're expecting more, Of an interesting man. Sometimes I think I can, But how much can I fake? I'll speak until I break, With every word I say, Offend in every way.
You tell me to relax, and listen to these facts. That everyone's my friend, And will be till the end. But know this much is true, No matter what I do, No matter what I say, Offend in every way.
*Having slowly made his way to the ring amidst the chorus of boos, Eddy Guerrero deftly leaps to the ring apron. He climbs inside and calms the crowd before speaking.*
"Ladies and gentlemen, you should ALL feel priviledged to lay your eyes on such greatness as me! *boos* Thank you, oh, thank you all. Yes, I know you don't appreciate me now-but, after my fifth year on this same title reign, you will, ese, you will.
"In fact, maybe someday you'll understand what happened on Rampage. How, you ask, could a little Texan like me endure a beating from Meng and the Kidman and STILL win this gold? It's rather simple, you see. In fact, I'll explain for you local yokels so that it all makes sense.
"I knew all along that Rob Van Dam would put the title up against me. Why? Because, like me, he has an ego. He can't back it up QUITE as well as me, but it's there all right. So one day I'm watching the FTR Network, and I think to myself, how can I lure him into a false sense of security? After all, he certainly REALIZES how great I am-he DID pin me before.
"Then Vader came onscreen. And I had a plan, ese.
"I called him and his Disorderly Dumbasses or whatever out. Then, just to cement it, I called out Kidman. Now, I'm not happy with Kidman, and I damn well HATE Vader and Company, but I didn't do this to BEAT them.
"I did it to trick Van Dam.
"EVERY ONE of you thought I was out after both Meng and Kidman beat me. And frankly, that's what I wanted! I made the Meng match look close-frankly, I wasn't gonna PIN him ever, but it just sorta happened, he's not that good-and then dropped the US to Kidman so I wouldn't need to worry about defending it and the World. With that done, I went down to face RVD. He thought I gave 100% in those other two, but lemme tell ya ese, it was closer to 1%. I faked my way through those like I did in high school. And so, a fresh RVD was shocked by a fresh Eddy Guerrero.
"I call it the 2003 Rope-A-Dope. Catchy, isn't it?
"Anyways, now you know WHY I have this, now you may ask if I'll defend. Yes. And for my first defense...
"One more time, Rob Van Dam. Listen, I hear you getting all pissed and angry that I won. Hey, it's okay. You're not the first, nor are you the last, that I've embarrased, ese. Just forget it. The real testament to you is that you actually GAVE me a shot without a reason. You coulda blown me off, but you let yourself fall into my trap.
"I know it's against my cheating ways, but I just gotta reward that.
"I'll let you choose the date: Next week, the week after, whenever. In turn, I got the stips covered. I'm sending out managers packing-no Fonzie and Chavo for us to make excuses. Also, you can forget any interference, it's strictly banned. And lastly, for a bit of excitement...a ladder.
"That's right. RVD. Eddy Guerrero. A Ladder. The World Title.
"Sound good, ese? I think so. I'll be waiting to hear from you, Rob. Till then, I'll just relax, safe in the knowledge that no one can take this from me."
*Eddy taunts the fans, smiling and waving, while "Offend in Every Way" comes back over the PA system. As he makes his way back, the camera fades to commercial.*
