Direct action? We'll GIVE you direct action! (Fatal Army, Piper, Jericho)
Posted by: Eddy Guerrero on 05/20/2003 at 23:41
"Come on man, you got him yet?"
"Just a sec, Eddy, just a sec..."
*The camera is outside a bar in a random city, where Chavo, in his best black business suit, and Eddy, in an "Eddy Guerrero Is My Favorite Wrestler" tee and jeans, are standing. Chavo has a cell phone up to his ear.*
Chavo: Give them a few moments to pick up. Minister should patch me through to the Undertaker...
Eddy: He better, ese. I got some words for the dead man, and he better listen up.
Chavo: Yes, well-*holds up his hand, signalling an answer* Yes, Minister? Hello, this is Chavo Guerrero, Jr., Attorney-At-Law, and-yes, I know the differences that the Undertaker and my client have had as of late, and that's part of why I called...well, to be frank, sir, I don't believe your Undertaker has any right to be bossing around Eddy like he does, and Eddy wants to speak to him right now...What do you MEAN you don't know where he is? You're his liason to the public, and you can't FIND him? Why are you on the payroll if you can't even...Vanished, you say? Well, I must say this is unfortunate for you, because I believe this will not-
Eddy: Gimme that phone! *Snatches it away* Listen you little prick, you got ten seconds to explain why the hell you can't patch me through to Calloway, and then I hang up. And if I hang up on you now, imagine what Rampage will be like when I come to get a better answer from you...NO I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! Mark sure as hell...YES I meant Mark, well, he sure as hell doesn't just disappear off the face of the earth, now does he? ...You damn well BET he doesn't! Now you start looking for him RIGHT NOW, ese, and you get him to call us...I don't care IF he's the Lord of FUCKING Darkness, I imagine picking up a phone and dialing are among his powers! *Hangs up*
Chavo: Looks like you won't get to talk to him directly. Luckily, I hired this camera crew, so...
Eddy: Yes, gotcha. *Turns to the camera* Heeeeeeeeeeeey Calloway? Remember me? Your favorito El Paso buddy, Eddy! How the hell are ya? Why haven't you called, ese? Where the FUCK are you, while we're at it? No one in the Army knows what you're doing, ese, and it's pissing me off again.
And, like I said before, what a FUCKING Army that is! Raven, the hand-me-down champion, already looking to give the belt back over to Show! Rhyno, the "Sure, everyone with more experience failed, but I won't" wonder from Rampage! Mortis, the permanent second-place bitch, behind the current Undertaker favorite! And you, who, when faced with danger, pulled a Sir Robin and bravely ran away, ese! The high points of the group? Me, of course, and Destructive Lightning. Strange, the best three Fatal Army-ers are the LEAST connected to the whole "darkness" shit...
Why the DL, you ask? They SURVIVED a beatdown by the Chosen Alliance AND the Dudleys and STILL went out for a match! Now, granted, they only won because of DQ, but I gotta hand it to you guys, I didn't think you had it in you, eses! Nonetheless, you'll learn a hard lesson that I learned a long time ago with Kidman: if you beat the Dudleys once, they'll fucking destroy you if you let them get a Dudleyville Street Fight with you. Oh well, no big loss, I guess.
Now, back to Calloway. Listen, ese, you better get down on your knees every day and thank God...I mean Satan for you...actually, since you're so delusional, pray to yourself every day and thank yourself that the Chosen Alliance SAVED you from me and Chavo. In another second, Chavo and I woulda had you BEATEN, ese, and it would have finished the Army. DO NOT try to threaten ME, ese! The last person to do that was named The Reverend. He hung with a man called Tajiri. Now, do you see the Reverend? Do you see Tajiri? Exactly. I was next in line for the World title, they knew it, and they ran like hell to avoid me. They knew when to stop, yet you didn't learn from them. Learn fast, or it will be too late.
Moving on, I just heard a challenge from Chris Jericho. Now, it seems you want to face John Cena and teach him respect. Fine, if that's your mission, go for it. But then you turn around and challenge me for Rampage.
Let's break that down, ese. To get at Cena, you challenge me. Where's the connection? Did you take a flying leap from the Logic Train there, buddy? What the hell are you on that makes you think fighting ME will have anything to do with Cena? I fought him because he was the only one with the balls to call me out-now that is sad, ese. It's just pathetic that a damned ROOKIE is the only one who would even dare face me.
You want a match, Jericho? Maybe. See, I called out Piper first. Calloway talks all big, like he doesn't care if I attack Piper. Apparently, I'm outthinking him here. I am one-seventh of his fucking Army. Find me the army that can spare one-seventh of its troops for a useless cause, ese. You can't. And that's why I want Piper.
But, if he doesn't speak up, I may go ahead and beat you senseless instead. Maybe I can reconnect you with Reality so you can call out John Cena when you want John Cena. Just remember, Guerreros Never Lose...tell 'em Chavo...
Chavo: Because we Cheat To Win!
*The two turn and walk away as the camera fades to black...*
