This is how you shop...
Posted by: The Dudley Boyz on 05/19/2003 at 22:10
“So, IQ, lets get down to brass tacks, how much is the budget.”
It’s Joel Gertner. He’s on the phone with GeniusIQ. One would thing he was discussing the budget for the upcoming Dudleyville street fight. Gertner continues…
Gertner: Ok….Fine….well, we were hoping for more…oh, that’s each. Well then, I think we are in business. I’ll see you later IQ. Goodbye. (Hangs up the phone) Ok…
Buh Buh Ray: So what did he say, Joel.
D-Von: Spit it out.
Gertner: The budget was approved, plus bonuses. IQ wants this to be extremely messy.
Buh Buh Ray: Oh, believe me, so do we. Destructive Lightening has been talking a lot of shit, and it’s time we showed those no talent stump fuckers what hardcore really is. They already admitted that we should have won. That’s half the battle. They know they were beaten. Now we have them in our element trying to take our gold. At Rampage they are going to know what being a Dudley is all about.
Gertner: So it’s off to the Home Depot I guess…
D-Von: Home Depot? Only a pussy would shop for toys at the Home Depot. Here Joel, let me give you some help…
We cut away to Juicy’s House of Comfort and Happy Endings, where he sells High Class Office Furniture and Chinese Massages. We cut to a shot of an Asian man in a purple jump suit with an afro. His Nametag says Roscoe Lee, Manager.
Lee: So Mistah Gertner, I rearize you are the enroy for da Famiree. So, check it prayuh these are da best tables money can buy. Yo Dudrey Boy fravuh can be kicked, fo shizzle my nizzle fo da drizzle skizzle.
Gertner: Um, what?
Lee: You rike Asian massage? Radies, help Mistah Gertner…
Joel runs off giggling with the two finest looking Asian women you have ever seen as Roscoe Lee writes up the bill.
We then cut to the Dudleyville municipal scrap yard. Inside D-Von is gathering up the nastiest scraps of steel he can find.
D-Von: Nails, mother fucker. Rusty ass nails. Yo, and a staple gun. We aint playin’ no more.
Scrap Yard Dudley: Well, cousin D-Von, I sure do hope you take out those Destructive Lightening Boys. They just aint right.
D-Von: I know. They got one cheap win, but it aint going down like that again. You got any of them old 2x4’s lying around?
SYD: Yeah, I think so…
D-Von: And hook me up with as much broken glass as you can…
We then cut to a shot of the outside of a building labeled “Juicy’s Fine Ass Cooking tool n' shit.” Inside, a very cute Spanish girl is leading around Buh Buh Ray. Her nametag says Cindi, Sales Clerk.
Cindi: You still didn’t tell me what you need n’ shit.
Buh Buh Ray: I’ll know it when I see it.
Cindi: Well, give me an idea n’ shit. Aint you one of them table lovin’ mutha fukas from the FTR? Why you shoppin’ here? You so stoopit. We don’t sell no tables n’ shit here.
Buh Buh Ray: Believe me, there is much more to us than tables honey. What I need is a precision instrument, something to instill fear.
Cindi: And you shoppin’ here? Ya’ll be trippin n’ shit. You know, I was digging Destructive Lightening for a while, but then they busted those chicks in the head. How you gonna bust chicks in the head with bottles n’ shit. What kind of guy turns down free ass? They Stupid n’ shit.
Buh Buh Ray: I was wondering about that myself. Wait, here it is…
Cindi: What? That? You stupid n’ shit.
Buh Buh Ray’s eyes light up as he raises a brand new cheese grater to his face…
We then cut to a small shack out in the middle of nowhere. The sign reads “Juicy’s Straight up Legitimate Deli and that’s it”. Inside we see Sign Guy Dudley smiling devilishly. Then you hear the sound of a shotgun cocking…
