Dumbass and Dumbasserer (Dudley Boyz)
Posted by: Destructive Lightning on 05/06/2003 at 15:49
*We're LIVE on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart!*
Stewart: Ladies and gentlemen, DESTRUCTIVE LIGHTNING!
*Rey Mysterio and Nathan Jones come on stage to a mixture of cheers and boos. They shake Stewart's hand and sit down.*
Stewart: Now, guys, you've had quite an impact-
Nathan: Get out.
Stewart: I-I-I-I'm sorry, what?
Nathan: Get out. You just want to do an interview asking us questions about the Dudley Boyz, right, and how they're the greatest tag team ever, and how we haven't even had a tag team match, right? I don't think we need you around to answer those questions.
Stewart: Well, guys, this is MY-
Jones: GET OUT! The only reason we signed up is because you guys offered money for us to be on the show. It doesn't mean we have to answer the questions you have, so if you want to see the light of day again, I suggest you leave NOW.
*Stewart hesitates. Jones makes a slight motion at Stewart and Stewart scurries out of there. Rey and Jones look at the camera.*
Rey: Now that he's gone, we can get down to business. Dudley Boyz. You ask what we can be proud of? We're proud of the fact that even before our first tag match, we've created more mass destruction than you ever have. What can we be proud of? We're proud of the fact that we're getting paid more than you based on that fact that we're not only getting paid by IQ, but also by The Undertaker, as well as any Fatal Army member who wants us to do a job for them. What can we be proud of? What can we be proud of? We're proud of the fact that we've got both massive power and massive speed and agility on our team, while you both have little to none combined. Finally, what else can we proud of? We're proud of the fact that soon, at Rampage, you will be begging for our mercy, begging us to let you reconsider your offer to let us have a Tag Team Title match at the next show after we beat you.
Jones: And what kind of dumbasses are you, anyway? First, we're not "buddies" with The Undertaker. We don't like him and he doesn't like us. He provides the cash, we destroy shit. That's it. Second, why would we ask The Undertaker about you? About how in the past, every team he has put against you has failed? Why would we care? Ganghstus, Kronic, Demolition. All pieces of crap who are worried about things other than winning and destroying. We're no Ganghstus, Kronic, or Demolition. We're Destructive LIghtning, and don't EVER forget that. Finally, you actually think we're intimidated by your legendary run? That's because all the other teams are complete crap. Like you said, we're the only team in the FTR with balls. Unlike what you say, we can back it up, and we'll show you how much we can back it up at Rampage.
*Rey and Jones get up and walk out. They see Jon Stewart, who looks scared shitless, and stare. Jones offers his hand, but Stewart doesn't move. Rey takes Stewart's right hand and places it in Jones's hand. Jones shakes his hand, and they leave. The Daily Show can now continue.*
