Ding Ding! We have a winner!
Posted by: Eddy Guerrero on 05/06/2003 at 15:17
"John Cena? Is this how far we've sunk, FTR, that a friggin' Vanilla Ice wannabe is the ONLY person that'd dare to tangle with Everyone's Favorite Wrestler?"
*Eddy Guerrero is seated at a bar, presumably in St. Louis by the various Cardinals, Blues, and Rams decor surrounding him. Between drinks from the Bud in front of him, he speaks.*
"So John...welcome to the FTR. You have your little microphone already, I see, and you're already dropping your so-called 'dope beats' or whatever. Now listen, ese, I'm not gonna be insulting your rap or hip-hop or whatever the hell it is. It's never been my scene, so I'm not much of a critic. To me, it's just poetry to a beat. I write poetry, too. Maybe you could use some of it, set it to a rhythm, and be a success? 'Course, I mainly work in haiku...
"John Cena Sucks Ass Now he wants to face Eddy. He is doomed to die.
"Or how about this classic?
"I burned Cena's face With gasoline and matches That will shut him up.
"I think that's one of the best ones I've ever written. Or maybe this one...
"You want a match, John? Why not Tables and Ladders? Deathmatch Style, too.
"What does that mean, you ask? See, a long time ago, that punk ass Jerry Lynn started a type of match here that hasn't been done much since. He called it the 'Tables and Ladders Deathmatch.' Here's how it works: We set up a hell of a lot of tables and some ladders. We suspend something over the ring-I don't know what, a microphone, let's say-and we're put in the match. Put someone trhough a table, it's a fall. Get to the microphone dangling, it's a fall. 3 falls in a row to win. In other words, if I throw you through three tables, I win, ese. If you go through two and then get the mike, my win total starts over. Make sense?
"And don't tell me not to mess with the Family, ese. Hell, I think you two and Bill Ding are the only ones I haven't beaten-mainly because you haven't fought me yet. Bring your rhyming ass to the ring, so I can show you why Guerreros Never Lose...
"If you can't figure it out, it's because we Cheat To Win, ese. Cheat To Win."
*Eddy finishes the beer as the camera fades out...*
