What's going on?
Posted by: Eddy Guerrero on 05/04/2003 at 16:08
*The scene is the Loop in St. Louis, a fairly nice business and restaurant section, where we see Michael Cole standing in front of one of a bakery of sorts. Wearing a black "FTR" shirt, he stands with apparently urgent news.*
Michael: Fans, this is Michael Cole live at the Loop in Saint Louis where I have just found an FTR star who's been missing in action, Eddy Guerrero!
*The camera zooms out a bit, revealing Eddy leaning against a brick wall on his cell phone. He's wearing a plain white tee and jeans, and is clearly frustrated with something...*
Eddy: *pause* Well FUCK!
Michael: Eddy, Eddy! Can we have just a word with you?
Eddy: Wha-Oh, hi Mike. Look, this isn't a good time-
Michael Cole: Just a few questions?
Eddy: *sigh* FINE. Let's get this over with.
Michael: First of all, you've been MIA since the loss at Genesis in a very close match with The Chosen One. Where have you been?
Eddy: First of all, let's talk about this loss, ese. Who was I billed against? Who was I supposed to fight? "THE GENERAL" Jeff Jarrett! The General and The Chosen One are two COMPLETELY different people to begin with! How could I be prepared for a sadistic MONSTER when I'm billed against a children's TV host? I couldn't! It pisses me off, ese.
Michael: So...where-
Eddy: Hold on, I got PLENTY more to say. Now Big Dead Bastard Calloway threatened ME that if I lost to Jarrett, I'd pay or some shit. What's he said to me since Genesis? NOTHING! ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING ESE! How the hell are we a stable if he can't even THREATEN me right, let alone, say, have an actual bond between members.
Michael: Umm...
Eddy: And boy oh boy what members we have. Destructive Lightning? Rhyno? Raven? Where the hell was the memo I missed that we were gonna become fucking huge in one night?! It's like I don't matter to him-and I could still be the World champ right now! If I fought TCO right now in ANY match, I COULD AND WOULD KICK HIS ASS! Remember that, ese, remember that.
Michael: So...where have you been?
Eddy: Trying to reconcile shit with Chavo, that's what. He and I got into this argument after Genesis and...well...he left. I dunno, something about going solo. For the first time in a helluva long time, I feel like it is my fault, too. And now, he won't FUCKING answer me back! He won't return calls, hell, his LAW office won't even take my calls! I gotta apologize, and the bastard won't let me!
Michael: Okay...
Eddy: Listen, Mike. You know Chavo, and Chavoman. Next time you see either, EITHER one, direct them straight to me, ese. I need to have a little chat with them...
Michael: Why Chavoman?
Eddy: Don't give me that shit. You know why...oh hell, because Chavoman knows Chavo, if it helps you ask him.
Michael: Anyone you want to call out at Rampage?
Eddy: *thinks* You know what? I got an idea. Anyone in this fed knows who the hell I am. I am Eddy Guerrero. I have been the World Champ, and you probably haven't. You wanna step up the ladder? Here's your chance. I want ANY FUCKING ONE of you! I am so pissed right now, hell, I'll fight the whole Family AND Fatal Army AND JLAP AND Techno Team just for fun! Screw all y'all, eses! New Army members, wanna impress the Undertaker? Fight me! Sure, we're stablemates, but you all seem to hate me anyways! How about the Family? The Dudleys seem kinda cocky, wanna mix it up with Eddy? The JLAP...hell, you guys got problems all your own right now, but if you want it, come and get it. Techno Team...wherever the hell you are, you can always find me. Don't have a stable? Fine! Ass kickings all around! You know why?
Because no matter what I do...NONE of you give me any respect. I've beaten Tajiri, Steiner, RVD, Jarrett, you name the major FTR player, and I've beaten their ass. And NO ONE has the balls to face me? What a surprise! Listen eses, if someone doesn't ask for an Eddy beating soon, they might just start being handed out for free. No asking needed. See me for details.
Michael: That's a pretty broad challenge...
Eddy: And I'll fight every one of them, too! Same night if they want! I've fucking had it, ese.
If Undertaker and Chavo won't keep me in the loop, I'm making my own!
*Eddy storms off, still very pissed. Michael Cole tries to maintain composure.*
Michael: We're, uh, going to take a quick break. Up next, though, a look back at Rampage: what will the Fatal Army do next?
