UNDERTAKEEEEEERRR!!!!
Posted by: Hot Rod on 04/26/2003 at 04:15
"Are you ready?"
*The camera wobbles up from the floor to show Jonathan Coachman in a telvision control room preparing for some kind of announcement.*
COACH: We going live?
CAMERAMAN: In five, four, three, two...
COACH: Hi there, ladies and gentlemen. Jonathan Coachman here live at the Union Center bringing you breaking news about Rampage...
*Off camera is the sound of crashes, thuds, and, most of all, screams.*
COACH: What the...? Hey, get a shot of that...
*The camera turns and looks through the small window in the control room door to see Roddy Piper storming down the hall towards Coach and the camera. Behind him is a trail of scattered trash and lighting equipment that he knocked over and threw on his way to the control room.*
COACH: Ladies and gentlemen, Roddy Piper is on his way here...
*Piper kicks open the door, staggering the cameraman back.*
PIPER: Who did it?
COACH: What?
PIPER: Don't play dumb with me, you little turd! I saw the homevideo of my godson's birthday party on TV two nights ago! Who aired it?
*A man walks forward from the back of the room, where he has been standing monitoring the broadcast of a match between the Bezerker and Mantaur. He is wearing a very nice suit and appears to be an executive."
EXEC: I did.
PIPER: Oh, you did Mr. Pinstripe? What gave you the right to air that footage? How the hell did you get your grubby hands on it in the first place?
EXEC: I'm not at liberty to discuss any of thes issues with you, Mr. Piper. It was done to raise the buyrate for Rampage and it caused a significant jump in the ratings.
PIPER: Oh...other people's pain raises ratings, does it? Well, then, let me help boost them!
*Piper grabs the exec. by the collar of his jacket and throws him into the closed door. He then proceeds to kick and stomp the exec. as he slumps down in the corner between the door and the wall. Piper then turns to Coach.*
PIPER: How's that?
COACH: Now, Roddy, remember your temper.
PIPER: My temper? Undertaker came to my godson's home and you're telling me to watch my temper? Why don't you give me that microphone and get the hell out of here before my temper gets the best of me again.
*Coach gives Piper the mic and runs off. The cameraman starts to leave, but Piper stops him."
PIPER: No! You stay. turn that thing towards me.
*The cameraman turns to Piper is looking right in the lens.*
PIPER: I woke up this morning thinking to myself, what the hell did I step in this time? You know Undertaker? When your little Druid son of a bitch came by and gave me that gift, I totally lost it. That homevideo that this little shit aired didn't even show the half of it. But soon I calmed down...for my godson's sake. And then you opened your fat mouth again. And dead men certainly do tell some tales. I have to agree with you on a few points, no matter how much I hate to admit it. Yes, Undertaker, I have neglected my wife and kids over the years. Yes, Undertaker, I have devoted my whole life to wrestling. Yes, Undertaker, I am a worn man. But one thing I am not is dead and buried.
I may not have the best relationship with my real son, but I'm trying to make up for that with my godson.
I may not know anything else, but I'm proud of what I do know.
And I may be a worn man...BUT I'M STILL GONNA BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE!!! WIN, LOSE, OR DRAW, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THIS BUILDING INTACT!!! YOU WANT PERSONAL?!?!?! YOU'RE GONNA GET PERSONAL, YOU GOTHIC FUCK!!!!
*Piper takes a few deep breaths and gets nose to nose with the camera.*
PIPER: You can bank on one thing, Undertaker...nothing ends tonight. You wanna play the Grim Reaper? To end this thing you started...
you'll HAVE to kill me.
*Piper pushes the cameraman down and throws the mic on the floor next to him. As the camera fades out, we see Piper's boots as he walks past the exec. and out of the room*
