Uninvited Guests
Posted by: Hot Rod on 04/19/2003 at 02:12
*A home camcorder turns on to show a light brown carpet.*
Voice: Don't you have that thing ready yet?
Voice behind camera: Yeah, yeah. Keep your shirt on, Roddy.
*The camcorder wobbles up to show the dining room, just past the living room where the man with the camera is standing. In the dining room is a small crowd around the table. Roddy Piper is seated at the left side of the table and across from him is a teenager, who is staring down at his birthday cake.*
Piper: Well, buddy, this is it! The big day! You're on your way to becoming a man!
Teen: Thanks for the wrestling boots, Uncle Roddy. When do you think I'll win my first title with them?
Teen's Mother: *Enters with a box of matches.* Not until after college, that's the deal, isn't it Roddy?
Piper: You're mother's right. You need to stick to the books. You don't want to end up like me.
Teen: Why not? You're a legend!
Piper: Yeah, but being a legend only takes you so far, kiddo. It gets late in your career and you've got bad knees, a bad back, bad hips. I don't know anything other than wrestling. It's what I am. Some people think I shouldn't do it anymore...and sometimes I believe them.
Teen: You're not thinking of retiring for good...are you?
Piper: Well...*doorbell rings*
Teen's Mother: Now, who could that be?
Piper: I'll get it, you finish lighting the cake so our birthday boy here gets to make his wish.
*Piper walks past the cameraman and to the front door. When he opens it, there is a figure in a long black cloak standing on the front stoop.*
Piper: Who the hell are you?
Druid: I am a Druid - a minion of the Undertaker.
Piper: *Growing angry* You've got five seconds to get off this porch before I...
Druid: I will leave as soon as my task is completed. I come bearing a gift.
*He hands something to Piper that the camera cannot see.*
Druid: Complements of the Undertaker.
*The Druid walks away and Piper closes the door. He turns around slowly holding two black crutches.*
Teen: What's wrong Uncle Roddy?
*Piper stands silent staring at the crutches in his hand. Slowly he raises his head and everyone can see the fury in his eyes.*
Cameraman: Roddy?
Piper: Kiddo, here's something you need to learn that'll help you all through your life. Never...and I mean NEVER let anyone intimidate you.
Teen: I won't, Uncle Roddy.
Piper: And by all means...if something works, don't change it.
Teen: Like what?
Piper: Like my TEMPER!!!
*With that, he slams the crutches over his knee, bending them in half, opens the frond door and throws them into the yard, screaming with fury.*
Cameraman: Whoa, Roddy! Cool it!
*The cameraman lowers the camera to set it down, then turns it off.*
