What's in a name?
Posted by: Hot Rod on 04/10/2003 at 12:37
*Johnathan Coachman is knocking on Roddy Piper's dressing room door.*
COACH: Hot Rod! Could I get a word with you?
*Piper's door opens and he steps out, grinning like a cheshire cat and drinking from a water bottle.*
PIPER: Hi there, Coach. What can I do for you?
COACH: Well, I was wondering if I could get a word with you about the Undertaker.
PIPER: You want me to talk about the Undertaker?
COACH: Well, yeah, I mean he laid down a challenge for you...
PIPER: I know what he did. I was watching the whole thing. But I'll talk about him in due time. Since you're here giving me airtime, I'd like to wish Chavoman luck on his IC Title match against Booker T...or Hop Bow, or Harlem Hoodlum, or whatever he chooses to call himself. It seems to me that wrestlers these days are more concerned with image than wrestling. These fancy names are no more than a way to hide their poor wrestling: Hop Bow, Iron-Stevie, Big Poppa Pump, Sabu - who, by the way, is apparently too busy making sure Bill Alfonso doesn't have an aneurism to give a simple handshake - and, of course, Undertaker. You know what, Coach? I just thought of something. You need to be a little more intimidating.
COACH: I do? Why's that?
PIPER: Well, because I get the feeling just by looking at you that I could kick the crap out of you and you'd be defenseless to stop me. *Coach looks a little worried* Don't worry Coach, I'm not gonna do that. But I think others might want to try. So how's about this - from now on we call you...THE PROPHET.
COACH: The Prophet?
PIPER: Yeah. You see, with a really spooky name, some of the wrestlers here will be scared off and won't try to attack you. THE PROPHET - showing the world the future of wrestling...
COACH: The Prophet...I like that.
*Piper pauses for a second, then winds back like he's going to punch Coach. Coach drops his mic and runs away, screaming like a five-year-old girl. Piper picks up the mic*
PIPER: You see Undertaker? What's in a name? The Prophet over there is still the same old wimp he always was...and you're the same old blowhard you've always been. You wanna talk about respect? Boy, you don't know the meaning of the word. You think your career deserves respect?!? AND YOU DARE TO TRY AND USE THE NAMES OF HOGAN, SAVAGE, AND MYSELF TO CATAPULT YOUR OWN CAREER?!? UNDERTAKER, YOU'RE NOT A PIMPLE ON SAVAGE'S ASS!!!!
*Piper has crushed the water bottle in his hand. He takes a few deep breaths and calms himself down.*
PIPER: I didn't come to the FTR to start wars. I don't want things to get personal. I'm here because I love this sport. Now, I may not be at my prime, but I've never backed down from a challenge in my life. Undertaker, I accept.
*With all the restraint he has in him, Piper calmly walks back into his dressing room and shuts the door.*
