The Next Big Sissy Girl
Posted by: The Rock on 03/09/2003 at 22:25
FTR Classic is supposed to be coming back from commercial break, instead the bottom of the screen says “LIVE” and the only other thing visible on camera is a very recognizable emblem. A Brahma Bull. Below that “The Rock” is written obviously we are outside of the Rock’s dressing room. The camera pans back to show a nervous Kevin Kelly debating whether or not to knock at the door. After a few moments of hesitation Kevin takes a gulp and knocks on the locker room door.
Almost immediately the door swings open and the Rock is standing in the doorway looking none too pleased when he sees that its just Kevin Kelly.
The Rock: You aren’t what the Rock is waiting on.
Kevin Kelly: Well, um, Rock, I was hoping to get your thoughts on…
The Rock’s hand shoots up and stops just centimeters from Kevin Kelly’s face. The outstretched hand turns to just his index finger across the lips of Kevin Kelly to silence him.
The Rock: The Rock was hoping, the Rock was thinking, the Rock was damn near praying that the knock on the Rock’s locker room door was going to be a groupie or two or three. A couple of home grown, silicon pumped, saline injected, two dollar…no scratch that…buck twenty-five….no scratch that…seventy-five cent Baltimore Sweat Hogs to come into the Rock’s locker room to sling that poontang-pie around like its going outta style!
Kevin Kelly is getting visibly embarrassed and that only eggs the Rock on more.
The Rock: Instead, the Rock opens the Rock’s locker room door to see a donut enhanced, chicken chokin’, internet porn surfin’, strudel and pie havin’ faaaaaaah-reeeeak!
Kevin Kelly’s jaw drops causing the Rock to break a small smile.
The Rock: Since you are here the Rock does have something to get off the Great One’s chest. You see, the Rock laid down a challenge the last time you came to the Rock’s locker room. That challenge was for the “Next Big Thing” Brock Lesnar. Turns out that Brock isn’t the “Next Big Thing”, he’s the “Big Chickenshit Thing”. Here we are over two weeks have passed and Brock Lesnar hasn’t said a word. The Rock isn’t surprised, the Rock would have been more surprised if Brock could actually speak.
Kevin Kelly: You know Rock, nobody has seen or heard from Brock Lesnar or Ernest Miller.
The Rock: Its like the Rock’s grandmamma used to say, “Big dogs don’t bite when they don’t have any balls.”
Kevin Kelly’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head.
The Rock: The Rock knows Brock Lesnar has no testicular fortitude so the Rock is going to have to call him out one more time. Brock Lesnar, you will go one on one with the Great One. No disqualification at Genesis, if you don’t know how to get there its across the street from the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Jabronie Drive and Know Your Role Blvd. Tell you what, Brock, you can bring the Cat along with ya. The Rock could really go for a good shine job on these boots here. If ya smell-la-la-la-la-laoowww….what the Rock….is cookin’.
The Rock lifts the People’s Eyebrow and knocks the microphone away from his face. Kevin Kelly leans in to ask one more question but gets the locker room door slammed in his face for his efforts.
