Remember the 80's...
Posted by: Techno Team 2oo3 on 02/14/2003 at 15:41
Oo my little pretty one, pretty one When you gonna give me some time, Sharona? Oo you make my motor run, my motor run Gun it coming off of the line, Sharona Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind I always get it up with a touch of the younger kind My-ee ey-ee by-ee ahee ah woo! Ma ma ma my Sharona Come a little closer, over here Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona Keep a little mystery, kissin' me Runnin' down the length of my thigh, Sharona Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind I always get it up from a touch of the younger kind My-ee ey-ee by-ee ahee ah woo! Ma ma ma my Sharona Ma ma ma my Sharona
*The scene opens up in what looks like a television studio. Several posters are hanging in the background. Pictures of George Michael, George Bush Sr., and Punky Brooster all hang behind the former FTR Tag Team Champions, Edge and Christian. A gigantic banner has printed “Remember the 80’s”.*
Edge: “And we’re back to Remember the 80’s. As we told you before the break, today we’re looking at a team in the hunt for their first FTR Tag Team Championship, Three Minute Warning.”
Christian: “That’s right. Known allegedly as Rosie and Jamal, we are here today to education our younger fans that these gentlemen are in fact NOT rookies, but veterans of many mat wars from the 1980’s.”
Edge: “We ask our impressionable fans and those with weak stomachs to please turn away because what we are about to show has been known to cause convulsions and possible death. Parental discretion is advised.”
Christian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you Three Minute Warning before their superstardom here in the FTR!”
Edge: “That’s right folks. In their previous identity, Three Minute Warning was none other than The Wild Samoans! And thanks to fan Tyrone in Britain, we have understanding that Three Minutes Warnings Manager Juicy was also a well known superstar of the 1980’s!”
Christian: “He was none other than the original Jive Soul Brother and the Doctor of Style, Slick! Mr. Announcer, let’s hear about The Wild Samoans long and winding road to the FTR.”
During the 80’s, no tag team in World Wrestling Entertainment experienced the success of The Wild Samoans. The Wild Samoans were one the most dominant teams in the era, racking up multiple tag title wins. But as the 80’s came to a close, so did a chapter in the careers of The Wild Samoans. With tag teams such as The Hart Foundation, The Rockers, Demolition, and The British Bulldogs ushering in a new era in tag team wrestling, the writing on the wall was clear: The Wild Samoans careers were over. Here’s Wild Samoan Afa’s take on the situation: “Oof, Oof, Oof, Weeeeeeeeeek!” But Vince McMahon didn’t quite see it the same way. He offered both Samoans a co-manager position of one of his newest tag teams, The Headshrinkers. Afa decided to eat a healthy meal of submarine sandwiches. His diet allowed him to shed around 100 pounds. Happy and healthy for the first time in his career, he was offered the managerial position. Sika however did not have the same luck. Instead of losing weight the traditional way, Sika opted for liposuction. But tragedy struck. During a mix-up at a Houston hospital, instead of the liposuction, Sika received breast implants. The news devastated him. It also devastated Vince McMahon, who was forced to only let Afa manage his newest tag team. But Sika quickly recovered and turned the proverbial lemons into lemonade. He moved back to his home in the Fiji islands and began his own business of carving peoples faces out of coconuts. Meanwhile, back in the World Wrestling Entertainment, Afa flourished managing The Headshrinkers. He managed to lead them to the World Wrestling Entertainment Tag Team Titles. But one night at a house show in Kalamazoo, Michigan; tragedy struck Afa. While at ringside, he performed his usual ritual of eating a raw chicken leg. But this particular piece of chicken caused Afa a severe case of salmonella poisoning. Afa was forced to leave the World Wrestling Entertainment after a lengthy hospital stay. His partner Sika’s business began to plummet on the island, and received one of the best offers in his career. A job to wrestle on the Georgous Women of Wrestling Pay-Per-View as “The Sexy Samoan” Big Boobs McGhee. In the wrestling world, Vince McMahon’s WWE began a downslide to Ted Turner’s World Championship Wrestling. In an attempt to purchase Vince’s former talent, President Eric Bischoff contacted the two monsterous Samoans for work. Both men accepted the contract and went to meet with the man in charge. But to their dismay, Eric ask them to wrestle under masks as Yoshi and Wario, the Japanese Assassins. Embarassed, the two shortly began missing work and developed an addiction that nearly ended not only their careers…but their lives.”
*Commercial Break*
“Following their short lived run in World Championship Wrestling, the two monsterous Samoans began looking for local work around their homes. Sadly, no one on the island cared to see two overweight, aged veterans of the squared circle wrestle. This pushed Afa into a deep depression. He discovered the smooth mentholated taste of Carmex. The Carmex seemed to sooth his mind and lips and began using it constantly. It became more than a habit…it was an obsession. Here are his owns words about the problem: “Oooga…Meega Teega Dupra…” Sika meanwhile began investing his remaining money into funding a new website – The Gorgeous Men of Wrestling EXXXposed. It was an adult website featuring many stars of the late 80’s and early 90’s from the World Wrestling Entertainment. Featuring stars such as Doink, Viscera, Repo Man, Akeem, The Big Boss Man, Hillbilly Jim, and The Warlord, the business was a complete failure. After the pictures were leaked to a free website, the site never received any more business. Both Afa and Sika were broke and looking for any work they could. They received small parts as angry monkeys in the movie, “Planet of the Apes” but the payday wasn’t nearly big enough. But suddenly, while visiting a familiar Whore House, they ran into FTR Superstar, GeniusIQ. IQ recognized them from their early days in the wrestling business, and mentioned his chances of soon owning the FTR. The two gave him their phone numbers, and waited for his call. Just as he had predicted, he secured the rights to the FTR and soon made several phone calls. To ensure himself from never losing the rights, he surrounded himself with 4,891,516,517 managers. He ask The Wild Samoans to join him and help protect his investment. But knowing the picky nature of the fans and the business, he decided he must change their names to protect their identity so fans would not associate them with their previous identities almost 30 years ago. Purchasing new jerseys from the trunk of a friends car, and what would be the first pair of shoes they have ever owned, IQ said they were destined for greatness. Mr. IQ’s personal assistants proceeded to give them an entirely new wardrobe, haircut, and haircolor. The only connection that could affiliate them with their previous identity was their name. IQ promptly changed Afa’s name to Rosey, and Sika’s name to Jamal. His first name for their tag team was The Island Boys, but that name was too closely associated to their previous, and with the fear of being exposed, changed it promptly to 3 Minute Warning, obviously from his encounters with manager Jenna Jameson.”
Edge: “It’s a touching story. But there’s one small part that was left out. Even though their story has led them all the way to the Semi-Finals of the Big *BEEP* Dudley Memorial Tag Team Tournament, the bad news is that it all ends at Genesis.”
Christian: “That’s right Afa…Sika…You two Island Monkeys are gonna get some total annihilated at Genesis!!!”
*Hulk Hogan, walks up to the set where Edge and Christian are sitting in their chairs.*
Hogan: “Guys, guys, guys…what did I tell you about Three Minute Warning?!?”
*Both Edge and Christian look to be deep in thought*
Edge: “That……they’re not Public Enemy!”
Hogan: “Right. They’re Rosey and Jamal. Not Afa and Sika. Not Johnny Grunge and Rocco Rock!”
Christian: “But didn’t you say they were two big Samoans?”
Hogan: “Yeah brother, but I didn’t mean those big Samoans! These guys are new to the business…much less the FTR. Have you guys been training?”
Both: “Yes…”
Hogan: “Have you guys been taking your vitamins?”
Both: “Yes…”
Hogan: “And have you brothers been reading your copy of Hulk Hogan’s Guide to Becoming The Ultimate Hulkimaniac?!?”
Christian: “Of course! I’ve read it fourteen times!”
Edge: “Totally! We even bought the tape version that was read by William Shatner to listen to in the car!”
Hogan: “You brothers are just too much! I can’t wait until the Pay-Per-View until you two bring back home the World Tag Team Titles! They’ll look so great on my mantle. I can put one tag team title, the Oscar for Mr. Nanny, the Pulitzer, the Oscar for Suburban Commando, and the other tag team title. So you brothers better go get a little training in before we catch our plane to Genesis.”
Edge: “You got it Hulkster. By the way, where’s Jericho?”
Hogan: “Oh…he’s doing some training of his own. I assigned him to do twenty reps.”
Christian: “Wow. He’s gonna put on the major bulktitude!”
Hogan: “Well…by twenty reps, I meant for him to read twenty chapters of my book. Anyway, you brothers better some training in, and get packed and ready to head to The Silverdome. Speaking of The Silverdome, did I ever tell you about the time I military pressed Andre The Giant over my head at WrestleMania III???”
![]("http://www.wildsamoan.com/pic-lib/Capt_Sika_Me.jpg")
![]("http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/unclephizzill/myhomepage/slick.gif")